Fly in my soup

A whole year

2010-04-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

Boy, Gretchen, a whole year since you posted something. Where have you been?

2009-04-29T14:59:00.001-07:00

Well, Ethan took the death of Bluey Blue surprisingly well. I was almost considering telling him that we sent her to live on a fish farm, where she would have lots of friends and running ponds, but I decided to tell him the truth so he could deal with it. Actually, his reaction was a little scary, in that after I told him as we were walking home from the bus, he starting wringing his hands together somewhat diabolically and he said, "Now it's time for my ULTIMATE plan." Now, I am not sure what that means, and I was a little afraid to ask. But we came home and he helped me get her out of her little bowl. I asked him if he wanted to bury her or flush her down the toilet, and he voted for toilet. I was kind of hoping he would want to bury her so we could go for a "Circle of life" type thing, but he was adamant we flush her. So we carried her into the bathroom on a paper towel, dropped her in, and he flushed her, and that was that.

2009-04-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I am finding it very hard to be positive right now, but I am trying. I am tempted to just spend the day in my bedroom with the lights off hiding under the covers, but I am trying to keep things in perspective, and not totally break down because I need to take care of my family, who are the only ones who are keeping me sane right now. I think I need to stop watching the news. I find myself typing things like, "Will we survive?" in Google, hoping to find answers or at least someone who will say, "Everything is going to be alright." I try to depend more on God, and find hope and reassurance that he in control. But I always find myself wondering, "Where are you God? Why is this world so messed up? Can't you fix it?" And, this morning I woke up and saw that our fish had died. We've had Bluey Blue for over three years. She was our first "Fish in Space". This picture is from Jan. of 2006 when we first got her. We know she was a she because Ethan picked out this beautiful blue betta and there was a label on its container that said "Female." She was quite a feisty fish, and at times she would jump clear out of the water when I would feed her. And sometimes at night you could hear her rattling the rocks around on the bottom of her little tank. I am not sure what she was doing, but she liked to make a little noise. We bought a travel container so we could take her on trips to Buhl with us, especially if we were going to be gone for a few days. I think she was aware of us, because if we came into the room suddenly it would startle her. And if she heard you tap the top of her little tank, she would swim up and wait to be fed. While I feel badly that she died, I think I am more sad that I have to tell Ethan, and that he has to experience this somewhat unpleasant fact of life. I will tell him when he gets home from school. Maybe we can have a little service or something.

R.I.P.
BLUEY BLUE
Jan. 2006 -- April 2009

1000thingstobehappyabout.blogspot.com

2009-04-17T10:20:00.000-07:00

I started a new blog: 1000thingstobehappyabout.blogspot.com

Using that book 14,ooo Things To Be Happy About and my own realization that it would probably be a huge benefit to me if I tried to focus on more positive things in my life, I have decided to compile a list of at least 1,000 to be happy about. So, that's what I am going to do, little by little. My goal is 1,000 things, but depending on how long it takes me and other deciding factors (like if I run out of things to be happy about) I may try to continue the list. But right now I'm shooting for 1,000.

2009-04-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

Last night was the Boy Scout cake auction. All the scouts in Ethan's den/pack were suppose to make a cake, with the help of an adult of course. He and I looked through a cookbook and the Family Fun website for ideas, and of all the cakes we saw he was taken with the butterfly cake on FF the most. I was surprised he chose a butterfly cake, but I was more than happy to help him out. He said he wanted it to be a monarch butterfly, because that is his favorite. Just when I think I know this kid and his likes and dislikes.

Anyway, we made the cake. His job was to help me mix the food coloring in the frosting so we could get orange. Here is the before shot. Basically its a round chocolate cake cut in half for the wings, and two Twinkies for the body.And here is the after shot. The brown is chocolate frosting. I used a Ziploc bag with a little hole cut in the corner to draw on the veins on the wings and outline the wing and do the antenna. The white dots are white Jelly Bellies.I thought it was pretty clever, and I had fun making it with Ethan. I thought that it would do better at the cake auction, especially since Ethan did a GREAT job holding it up for everyone to see. He was a regular Vanna White, which is a little weird to be saying about your son. I guess I just really appreciated his enthusiasm. In the end, it only went for like $6. The cakes that went for the most money, like $15-$20 were piled with candy and toy cars. I guess boys just don't get that excited about butterflies. So next year this is what I am going to do: I'm just going to bake a cake and dump a bunch of candy and cars on it.

2009-04-09T13:27:00.000-07:00

I know I am not a perfect parent. I love my kids, LOVE them so much. I would not want to go on living if I didn't have them in my life. But sometimes, I just feel like I need a break. I feel guilty feeling like this, but I would just like to be by myself for an afternoon, maybe take a walk, or go read a book somewhere on a blanket under a tree.

Another reason I know that I am not a perfect parent is because I sometimes do things as a parent even though I know they aren't a good idea. For example, when Corinne came home from the hospital we had her room set up with a bassinet and a full size bed. That way, I could care for her through the night and not disturb Brian too much. So it started out me in the bed and her in the bassinet. Then gradually, it was her and I in the bed, and it's been like that ever since. It's kind of been a source of embarrassment for me. I know all the experts say co-sleeping is not a good, if not dangerous, idea. But it was the only way we could all get a good night sleep. I could nurse her when she woke up and not even need to move, and then when the nursing stopped I could pop the pacifier in her mouth and go right back to sleep. I have been wanting to change this, to get her to sleep in her crib, but I just haven't had the gumption until today when I found she had slipped between the mattress and the railing on her side of the bed. She was fine. Since the mattress is on the floor, she was just standing there with her hands on the mattress. But I worry about her getting hung up in a way that could really hurt her. So, this afternoon I made the decision to put her to sleep in her crib. This isn't probably going to be an easy transition, especially since I would lay down next to her when she went down for nap. I think the best idea is for her to try and fall asleep, and stay asleep, by herself in her own room. If her reaction this afternoon has been any indication, I don't think she thinks this is a good idea.

So, I guess the biggest reason I know I am not a perfect parent is because I oftentimes don't do what is best because it isn't convenient. I need to change that.

2009-04-04T12:50:00.001-07:00

Brian and Ethan are off to visit a dairy as part of a scouts outing, and Corinne is taking a nap. So here I am, left to my own devices. Oh, how shall I pass the time? By meticulously cleaning my house, which sorely needs it? Oh heavens no!! I am wasting my time trolling the internet, of course. We had a doosie (sp?) of a week, which was punctuated on April 1st by a letter Brian received at work. I really wish it had been an April Fool's joke, but, alas, no. It was just a memo outlining Channel 6's "pay reduction program." Basically Brian will be making 6% less every bi-weekly pay period, which means we will be losing about $170 a month before taxes. Add this to the fact that he would be making less anyway since he recently added me to his insurance, and you can see where we might be panicking a little. By no means are we entering brown shorts territory, but I admit we are very, very concerned. Brian thinks we'll have enough to pay bills and buy food, but after our little house debacle our savings is significantly diminished, and we're really going to have to watch things. I am worried, to say the least. My biggest fear is that the company is closer than we think to going under, and any day Brian will lose his job. I mean, we're smart people, we should be okay, right? Well, right now there are a lot of smart people looking for jobs, and I'm scared to think what might happen. You would think this is where my faith in God would kick in, but it seems the harder I pray for things to be okay the worse things get. Since Wednesday I've really be resorting to comfort things, like eating frosting out of the can, and watching The Princess Bride. I'm such a dork. Wednesday was the worse day because Brian and I both ended the day in tears. Thursday was a bit better, because Brian and I rallied together and decided that as long as we had our family then everything will be okay, a real "us against the world" kind of moment. Friday and today we're getting back to normal, I think.

2009-03-31T17:42:00.000-07:00

Spring Break came and went. We packed a lot into the 10 days, though. We took a trip to the Bruneau Sand Dunes; spent some time in Buhl; took a drive to Malad Gorge, the Nature Conservancy, Clear Springs; and went to Herrett's Museum, got Ethan a haircut, went to the mall all in Twin Falls. I also attended our church's women's retreat at Pilgrim's Cove in McCall, ID. The weather was rotten, with continued rotten into this week. Is it possible for March to come in AND go out like a lion? I guess in Idaho it is. Right now I am at "work". I have sat here once a week for six weeks or so, and so far not one person has come in to use the library. It is kind of nice to have peace and quiet for two hours, though, and be surrounded by books. Just wish someone would come in, if for nothing else but to prove that my position is necessary.

just some stuff

2009-03-05T08:53:00.000-08:00

Lost: Is it wrong that I like Juliet more than Kate? I actually really don't like Kate, I tolerate her. I like Juliet's intelligence and she is so enigmatic. If it turns out she really is a "bad" guy and is working with Ben, I think I still would like her better than Kate.
I am really enjoy 24 this season. Oh sure, it's full of plot holes and worn out story lines, but you got to love it when Jack tazes a phone.
Is it spring yet? I just want some nice weather so we can get out and do stuff with the kids.
Why do Peeps and Cadbury Eggs have to be so delicious?
I think the news media needs to stop letting Natalie Suleman do interviews. She doesn't need to be under this kind of scrutiny. It's obvious a lot of people don't agree with what she did, but it's done. What matters now is those 8 sick babies, her six older children, and what's best for them. I wish she would quit doing interviews, and I think she should have never done that first one. She needs to focus on her family, and she has some really tough decisions to make. Show the world what you think is important, Natalie. Take care of your family.
Ethan is racing his "Anaconda Honda" in his first ever Pine Wood Derby this weekend. I am really looking forward to it.
I finished watching Torchwood Season 2 this weekend. I didn't really like it as much as the first season. I can't really recommend it, I think there are better science fiction series out there right now, such as Battlestar Gallactica and Fringe.
We've spent the last two Saturdays watching Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back, respectively. I hope we have time to watch Return of the Jedi this Saturday.

2009-03-04T12:19:00.000-08:00

Well, this week is turning out only slightly better than last week. The thing that is keeping it from being a total loss is that Corinne is feeling a lot better since the doctor gave her antibiotics and she is getting over her ear infections and upper respiratory infection. We have heat and water, and all the fans are out from under the house so all we have left to take care of is the insulation. The insurance is refusing to pay for anything because the water that caused the damage was a "subsurface" leak. I tried to talk to them today, but all I got was emotionally and physically drained. All I want for them to do is to help us find a way to pay for all this. I really don't care what the policy says. Damage is damage, and if they won't pay for the pipe they need to pay for the clean up and replacement. I really don't know what I am saying. I want to fight them, but I don't know where to begin. I just wish I could handle things like this better. I want to be calm and not worried and have that "whatever will be will be" attitude but I am just the opposite. I am frustrated and angry and scared and worried.

My tale of "whoa"

2009-02-24T17:51:00.000-08:00

Monday morning started out pretty routine, except our furnace sounded "funny," and there was a weird "static-y" sound somewhere in our bedroom. I didn't think too much about it because I was busy getting Ethan off to school and seeing Brian off to work. Plus, I was anxious to get Corinne fed so that maybe she and I could get back to sleep. She was sick and cranky all weekend, and hadn't slept well at all. So of course, I was exhausted and I needed to do a little catching up on my sleep while she slept. We went back to bed around 8:00 am, and slept until 11:00 am or so. Corinne was ready to be up, but I was kind of stalling and trying to get her to hang around in bed a little longer. Eventually I just had to get up because she wasn't having any of me being lazy. I got her up and went into the kitchen to get some juice/water for her. As I was filling her cup I noticed the water pressure wasn't as strong as it usually was. For some reason I still don't understand my brain found a connection between the furnace sounding funny, the weird static-y sound, and the lower than normal water pressure, and I decided I better get to the bottom of things. I went in our room and realized the weird sound was coming from under the floor in our closet. We have a crawl space under our house that is accessed in our closet through a trap door (no we are not magicians and it sounds a lot sexier then it actually is). I lifted the trapdoor to find our crawl space was completely filled with water, and the water was practically in the house! I began checking the heat registers and quickly realized that every furnace duct into our house was also filled with water. I started panicking right away. I called Brian, my parents, and eventually the city to come and turn the water off to our house before water came flooding in.

So now, almost 36 hours later here is where things stand: tonight, we are spending a second night in a hotel. We now have running water (the controlled, in-the-pipes kind) in our house because Master Rooter came and dug two huge holes in our yard to try and find the problem and eventually fixed it. It looks like the main pipe that runs under the foundation was installed incorrectly by our builder 8 years ago. Unfortunately we still have no heat because all the air ducts need to be replaced, and it's still too wet for anyone to get down there and install them. Theoretically we could have heat by tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. In addition to the air ducts some of the insulation needs to be replaced. Our insurance company has been... unhelpful to say the least. It's likely this is going to cost us a lot of money. Brian has missed a day and a half of work, and will maybe miss tomorrow. We are both physically and emotionally exhausted. To add to all my worries about the house, Corinne is still sick. She is running a fever again tonight, has some sort of rash all over her body, and coughs so hard it looks like she is going to pass out. I've taken her to the doctor twice in the last month and all I ever get is that it's a virus so all we can do is put her under the vaporizer, give her some Tylenol and wait it out. But the poor child isn't getting any better and I don't know what to do. I have to say that Ethan is doing great, though. He was pretty excited about staying in a hotel, and he came home from school today to find an excavator in his yard. What could be better than that! And he lost his two front teeth yesterday (yeah two teeth in one day and he's lost 4 total in the last week!) and got two dollars.

My parents came to offer assistance but since Dad feels like there isn't much they can do as far as repairs to the house they are going home. I know I am a grownup and I should face this like an adult, but, man, I dread seeing my Mom and Dad go. They may not have been able to crawl under the house and get stuff done, but I really appreciated their emotional support. Does that make me weak? I can't help it. I am feeling quite overwhelmed. People keep telling me, "It could have been worse," and that's true. Yet I still feel scared and worried and unsure of what to do. Yeah, I could look on the bright side. I keep trying to tell myself things like, "Well, hey, at least we got rid of all the spiders and other creepy crawling things under the house," or, "for awhile we had our own basement swimming pool," but I still have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. What are we going to do? How are we going to pay for all this? Why isn't Corinne getting any better? When do we get our house back?

When I was in 5th grade, I took skiing lessons at Magic Mountain resort, south of Twin Falls, ID. I don't remember being totally sold on the idea of learning how to ski. My mom and older sister were taking lessons, it was some special four lesson package that our church was getting, and somehow they convinced me to come along. The first day I got put into a beginners class, and I was separated from my mom and sister. After a quick lesson on the basics, the instructor took us over to the bunny hill. My first time up the rope tow, I fell forward at the top, my skiis crossed in the back, and I couldn't get up. The rope tow operator had to stop the lift and come rescue me. I remember him walking me back down the hill and sitting me down in a chair, where I cried hysterically for awhile. Scared, and alone, I then wandered back to the rental shop/cafe to wait for my mom and sister. After that day I felt pretty strongly that I was done with skiing and I wasn't going to go back, but Dad convince me to give it one more try by telling me he would come with me. So I tried again, and I even made it up and down the bunny hill a couple of times without too much trouble. I will never forget, though, the feeling of panic when I would feel myself going too fast, and then falling down on purpose so I would stop going too fast and ending up out of control.

Well, that is a LONG way of explaining that that is how I feel right now. Things are getting just too out of control and I am feeling panicky, but there is nowhere to fall. I have to keep going down the hill no matter how messy it gets. Yeah, it could be worse, and I know that the most important thing right now is my family. I could lose 10,000,000 houses and be okay as long as my family was okay. I know we have a lot to still be thankful for, but that still doesn't stop me from feeling like someone drop a ton of bricks on us. I guess, "whatever will be will be" and "just take one day at a time" and "this too shall pass" and "that which does not kill us makes us stronger", right?

Hello sun

2009-02-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

The middle of February suddenly got busy for us. With Presidents' Day both Ethan and Brian had the day off, so we spent the weekend in Buhl. Ethan also had Tuesday off, and with the Friday before off he had a 5 day weekend. We are also now back to being a two car family. My awesome and generous parents gave us their old mini-van! We are grateful beyond words.

I am back to work, so to speak. I am working just two hours a week, from 6-8 on Tuesdays at the middle school I use to work at. They want to keep the library open in the evening for parents and students to use the library and computers. So far in the two nights I've worked we've had a total of zero people come in. I am hoping it picks up a little.

Corinne is still suffering from the never-ending cold. Now Ethan is coughing, sniffling, and complaining his ear hurts. It totally could be worse, but it's hard seeing my kids not feel well. Corinne turned 9 months old Tuesday, and she is playing peek-aboo, babbling up a storm, standing a little on her own, and just generally being cute and lovable. Ethan is doing well in school. According to his reading scores he is ahead of where he needs to be as a first grader, and he is doing well in math. He just needs to work on making his work a little neater. Of course, I think he is a pretty bright, imaginative kid.

2009-02-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

I am frustrated that Corinne is still sick.

Trip to Puyallup

2009-01-15T10:03:00.000-08:00

Last weekend Ethan, Corinne, and I flew to Seattle with my mom and dad to visit my in-laws who live in Puyallup. We were a little concerned since it seemed like Western Washington was being flooded, but despite the weather we had no problems getting there, getting around, or getting back home. It was Corinne's first plane ride, and her first visit at Nana and Pappy's house. She also got to meet her Uncle Bren and Aunt Michelle. It was a great trip, and both of the kids were good as gold. Corinne didn't fuss on the plane at all, and despite an erratic nap schedule she was generally a happy baby the whole trip. Ethan was his usual happy self and a great helper. Ethan also bonded with his Uncle Bren, was his teammate for "Apples to Apples" and talked with him about movies and video games. Even though it was a quick trip, I am glad we went and I am thankful that my parents were with me to help navigate through the airport with two kids. It's also nice to be one of those people who gets along with both parents and in-laws, and who has parents and in-laws who get along with one another. I also couldn't ask for better grandparents for my kids.

The kids with Nana and Pappy at Stanley and Seafort's, Tacoma.

Corinne with Grandma and Papa.

Ethan with Grandma and Papa.Ethan chillaxin' with Uncle Bren.Corinne with Aunt Michelle.

playing catch-up

2009-01-15T09:17:00.000-08:00

For all my "bah-humbug-ness" Christmas turned out pretty nice. So nice, in fact, that I was sorry to see the holiday season end. I bought a new digital camera with my birthday money, so I was able to capture a lot of holiday memories. We spent Dec. 20-27 in Buhl. It was nice to be with my family, but Brian had to go back to work and didn't come back until Christmas Eve, and I missed him. But the kids had so much fun with cousins and grandparents.

It snowed, and Melissa, Jackson, Leah, and Ethan made a "Snow Sea Turtle" as you can see.

The kids also did a pre-Christmas show. Ethan, with a Boppy on his head, and Jon are doing some sort of stand-up routine.

Boone looking wistfully out the window at the snow and the little birds.

Ethan and Corinne on Christmas morning.

Corinne seemed to enjoy all the excitement of her first Christmas, even if she didn't quite understand what was going on.

Ethan is a BIG Wall-E fan. He got the DVD plus a Wall-E and Eve toy. I have since watched it twice and I have to say it's one of my favorite Pixar movies.

Brian teaching Grandma Murray how to bowl on my parents new Wii.

We were back home for New Years and spent New Years Eve playing games at Pam and Chad's. Both Ethan and Corinne were up at midnight, but we all slept in on New Year's Day. As with all vacations, the time went by way too quickly. But, like I said, we have a lot of good memories.

Bah humbug

2008-12-03T17:41:00.000-08:00

I've put out our Christmas decorations and our tree is up. I even put lights outside (not a lot but some), but I am still not feeling very Christmas-y. I just feel blah. I guess I should say "Blah humbug" then. So far, I am completely without Christmas spirit. I sort of feel more like hibernating. I just want to crawl into some dark hole and sleep.

Will I ever learn?

2008-11-20T11:13:00.000-08:00

Corinne had a very hard time getting to sleep last night, and then after sleeping fitfully all night she woke up at 5:00 a.m. So, I should be catching up on my sleep now that she is sleeping, but instead I am wasting time on the internet. For some reason I got it in my head I want to get Corinne an cuddly bunny wabbit for Christmas, the kind she can hold and slobber all over and then carry around everywhere when she gets older. I got lost on etsy.com because they have the most adorable things, and some of the ugliest things I've ever seen. And then I found tedde.com, which sells the weirdest, uncuddliest, most expensive teddy bears I've ever seen. I just want one, cuddly bunny. Is that too much to ask?

2008-11-18T11:19:00.000-08:00

I hate it when I think of something I need to get from another room, and then forget what it was that I was looking for by the time I get there. This is something old people do. I don't want to be old :(.

So, 7 years ago...

2008-11-13T18:36:00.000-08:00

Today is Ethan's 7th birthday. We actually had the big party with his aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents over the weekend when everyone could get together. Tonight Brian, Corinne and I took him to Red Robin (his choice) where a group of enthusiastic servers sang happy birthday to him and gave him a sunday. I made cupcakes for him to take to his Tiger Scout meeting tonight. He was pretty wired after the sunday, and I am bracing myself for when he comes because he may be unbelievably hyper or completely crashed. I think he is having a happy birthday, though, despite the fact he missed the bus this morning and we had to walk home in the rain and get there before Brian left for work. But I think the day has improved for him since. It's also kind of neat that tonight there is a full moon, since he is so interested in space related things. I can't believe he's 7! My baby boy is growing up *sniff*.

Four things I need to get off my chest

2008-11-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

1. What has happened to Heroes?? It use to be a great show, but this season it's dying a slow death. Not one episode has lived up to the potential is showed in its first season. I think my disappointment started in the first episode, when Sylar finally caught up with Claire. For two seasons Sylar has been the somewhat unstoppable bad guy, and they convinced us that if Sylar ever got ahold of Claire and her power of regeneration, he would kill her and then he would take over the world. I mean, the first season was all about keeping Claire safe from Sylar with the implication being who knows what bad things might happen. Then in the first episode of Season 3, he catches up with Claire, the thing we were suppose to fear happening for two seasons, and it ends up being the most anti-climatic scene in the history of television. Sylar took her power, and we found out Sylar couldn't kill her if he wanted to. WHAT!?!? THAT'S IT!?!? And the season has just gotten worse. So disappointing.
2. While Heroes is disappointing, Fringe just keeps getting better and better. Now, if ABC would just give Pushing Daisies the chance it deserves and not threaten to cancel it...
3. Yesterday it was raining when I went to pick Ethan up at the bus stop. Since we only have one car and it takes Brian to work everyday, I usually put Corinne in the stroller and meet Ethan in the afternoon. The rain wasn't any inconvenience. I found an umbrella in the garage, and Corinne's stroller has a rain shield type thing, plus I am the kind of person who loves the rain for the most part, so we happily walked the short distance to the bus stop. Of the kids who take the bus, we seem to live the farthest away, and there are about three moms with younger kids that see them off to the bus and pick them up everyday. Usually everyone walks to get their kids, but yesterday I was the only one who did so in the rain. The other moms drove. I have a certain pride in this. Mostly it's because I think driving your mini-van/SUV a half a block just so you and your child don't have to take a little walk in the rain is silly. What really annoys me is the one family who drives their kid to the bus stop every morning and then sits there with their SUV running while waiting for the bus. Their house is but 5 houses from the bus stop! This morning, they parked right where the bus stops so that we all had to stand there and smell their exhaust while we waited *eye roll*. If they don't want their child to have to wait in the cold for the bus, why don't they just DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL?! We like a mile from the school. I think they would burn just as much gas if they drove him to school as they do driving him to the bus stop (that is just 5 HOUSES AWAY) and then sitting there with the engine idling for 5 or more minutes while waiting for the bus. Another thing that bothers me about the bus stop are the all the hooligans that run around and hurt themselves and others, but that's another post for another day.
4. I hate the cold virus in all its incarnations, especially since one has invaded my house and is picking us off one by one. Ethan and Brian have been coughing and sneezing since the weekend. Then last night Corinne came down with a runny nose and this morning she is running a fever. Curse you, rhino virus!!

2008-11-11T11:27:00.000-08:00

I usually hate pictures of myself, but Corinne looks so cute I like it despite my presence there. It was taken when we all went to get pumpkins at Linder Farms south of Meridian. And when I say "all" I mean there were about 16 adults and kids, all trying to find that perfect, round pumpkin. It was Corinne's first hay ride AND first pumpkin, so it was a big day for her. From the picture you can see it was an absolutely gorgeous fall day, and there were hundreds of other families milling about, enjoying the petting zoo, jump houses, corn maze, and various other activities there. Ethan also pick out his pumpkin, one of three because he got two more at Scouts. We carved his into a jack-o-lantern that we put a lit candle into on Halloween. Now he is observing how long it will take to decay. It's teeth are sort of sinking in, and everyday when he comes home from school it checks to see what critters are hiding beneath it. He's found slugs, pill bugs, a stinkbug, and some sort of centipede like thing. Speaking of Ethan we celebrated his birthday over the weekend. Saturday we had a little treasure hunt which ended in him finding a surprise Spiderman Pinata in the garage. After whacking the snot (I mean candy) out of that he opened his presents, then we headed to Smoky Mountain Pizza. Grandma, Papa, Nana, Pappy, Grandma Murray, Pam, Chad, Leah, Jon, Melissa, Jackson, Jen, Mike, Ellie, Olivia, and of course Brian, Corinne, and I were all there. I think he had a great party, and on Thursday (his actual birthday) he wants to go to Red Robin so they can sing happy birthday to him and then take treats to his Scout meeting. I can't believe he's almost 7!

yay for democracy

2008-11-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

For the record, I voted. Brian and I got absentee ballots, and we mailed them in last week. While voting absentee was so convenient, and I felt like I could sit down and really consider who I wanted to give my vote to, my pessimist side is a little worried about it getting lost in the mail. Oh well. While I would like to see my candidate win, I am of the opinion that either candidate will serve the country well. So, I guess we'll see what happens.

2008-11-03T09:06:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it's November already?? Where did October slink off to? Well, apparently I was tagged, so I thought I would play along.

8 Favorite TV shows

Current favorites:
Pushing Daisies
Lost
30 Rock
The Office
Heroes
24
Doctor Who (although I watch this mostly on DVD and reruns on PBS)
Masterpiece

Past Favorites:
Little House on the Prairie
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Northern Exposure
Veronica Mars
The X-Files

8 Favorite Restaurants
Epi's
Mona Lisa/Melting Pot (both fondue restaurants)
The Sand Bar
The Outback
Sonic
The Cazbah
Aladdin's
Gerties

8 Things that happened yesterday
it rained
we went to church and I spent most of Sunday School and morning service in the nursery with Corinne
Ethan and I drew on the driveway with sidewalk chalk
I watched some season 2 episodes of ST:TNG, America's Funniest Home Videos, Amazing Race, and Masterpiece: Contemporary
I made a loaf of bread using a banana bread recipe but instead of bananas I used a jar of pears Pam and I canned a couple of years ago
We watched puppies on a puppy cam
I didn't eat dinner or take a nap like I desperately wanted to, and I stayed up too late.

8 Things I look forward to
This election being over and done with.
Next weekend because everyone will be here to celebrate Ethan's 7th birthday.
The next time Brian and I are able to go out on a real date.
The whole holiday season, especially Thanksgiving.
Our parent/teacher conference with Ethan's teacher (actually I'm kind of anxious about that one).
All of Corinne and Ethan's "firsts".
Someday maybe life making some sense.

8 Things I love about Fall
Getting to wear sweatpants again.
Not feeling oppressed by the heat.
Cold November rain (thanks Guns and Roses)
Thanksgiving
The end of daylight savings time
Hot tea/chocolate/cider
Feeling like you still have PLENTY of time to get your Christmas shopping done
Pumpkins

8 Things on my wishlist
Taking a trip to Disneyland.
Find a way to make money from home
An elf would magically appear and get all the laundry washed, folded, and put away during the night
That our government would ratify the Kyoto Protocol or at least do something equally responsible to reduce our greenhouse emissions
That my family would remain healthy and happy
That we could travel more
That I could live by the ocean
That I could stick to something long enough to be successful at it.

I guess I tag Jen and Brian, if they read this.

Fall... pessimist style

2008-10-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

I like it that it is getting cooler and fall is here, but there are a few reasons why I dread this season:
1. Those little floaty spider webs. I HATE those. I am not overly found of spiders, particularly since one (a brown recluse, no less) decided to bite me when I was 11 and instead of giving me the ability to climb up walls and shoot spider webs from my wrists it left me with a gaping hole where my side used to be. Eww is right! I haven't been able to forgive the little buggers ever since, any of them. And I hate how they leave their webs everywhere, and those little strings seem to be floating around me where ever I go. What's worse is I realize these are substances that have shot STRAIGHT OUT OF A SPIDER'S LITTLE BUM!!!
2. House flies. We haven't had a fly in our house all summer, and now since there is just the tiniest hint of a chill in the air they think they are somehow welcome to come crash at my place for the winter. What makes it worse is we don't seem to own a fly swatter, so the little devil flies around all afternoon and has decided that my upper lip makes the perfect landing pad.
3. Trying to figure out what to wear. It's cold in the morning so you put on pants and long sleeves. Then it decides to warm up in the afternoon and your roasting. So you put on short sleeves and capris, and then before you know it it's freezing again. Along with this is trying to figure out when to turn on your furnace for the first time.
4. Trying to help my indecisive 6 year old decide what to be for Halloween. Although this year he is pretty sure he wants to be a robot. Pity I don't know how to weld or write complicated computer programs. Nah, we'll just use cardboard boxes and duct tape.
5. Realizing there's only a couple months til Christmas. My mother-in-law (bless her) already has all her presents wrapped. I'll be lucky if I'm not frantically running around on Christmas Eve trying to find any open stores so I can begin my shopping.
6. Realizing I'm not thankful enough for all that I have. Oh sure, on Thanksgiving I pause to think about all the blessings I have, but really shouldn't that be the point of everyday? So what if there are spider webs and annoying flies? So what if I have to change clothes or "layer" in order to make it properly clothed through the day? I have so much to be thankful for, so many things to thank God for. Maybe I'll be able to focus on that, instead of the spider webs, and annoying flies, etc., etc.

I love my kids!!

2008-10-01T15:50:00.000-07:00

I took this picture yesterday and thought it was too cute not to share. Brian had 50 free prints from Costco that had to be used, so I thought I would snap a few pictures of the kids. The size difference between their heads cracks me up.

2008-09-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

I haven't been at my best the last couple of days. Corinne hasn't been sleeping very well. She ran a fever all Wednesday night/Thursday morning, was cranky and out of sorts, so consequently I didn't get much sleep. I thought I was handling sleep deprivation pretty well until yesterday afternoon when Ethan was whining about doing his homework. Let's just avoid the messy details and say I had a meltdown. It happens, and I think we've both recovered. I hope today is better, but again I didn't get much sleep last night. Corinne was coughing a little. Nothing too bad, but of course I couldn't sleep for worrying about her. Plus, the news this morning sounds pretty bleak, so right now I hold out little hope for today.

I may do some coloring later. I know that may sound weird or irresponsible, but I think it would help. Sometimes it's just nice to "revert", you know? Go back to something that made you feel good as a kid. I would draw, but coloring is less involved, and I'm not very artistic anyway. Another option is to watch a funny movie, but I'm not feeling very decisive today so I might color while watching a funny movie. This may be the best way to cope with today.

2008-09-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

I had lots of ideas today for a "Pessimists Guide to [something]," but Corinne had her 4 month "well-baby" doctor appointment today and the inevitable shots have left her feeling quite unwell I'm afraid. Normally she is such a good baby, and very happy, but this afternoon she cried for 1/2 hour straight so I know she isn't feeling well. I HATE it when my kids are sick! I just want to take all their pain away. Wouldn't it be great if there was some way you could do that? Like, if you just held their face like Spock does when he does his Vulcan mind meld, and took all their pain and experienced it yourself so they didn't have to. I worry that Corinne thinks I betrayed her, too. What if she blames me for all this pain she doesn't understand? I just want to hold her forever right now, until she believes me that everything is going to be okay and that she'll feel better tomorrow. Of course, I also am feeling very worried and over-protective right now, worried that it's a bad reaction to the shots or something. I just want her to be okay, that's all.

2008-09-23T15:44:00.000-07:00

I'm a pessimist. Those who know me best know this. It was knitted into my very nature while still in my mother's womb. Actually, I consider it "hyper-realism." We all know things can get bad, my mind just goes from best- to worst-case-scenario in less than sixty-seconds. Is it a curse or blessing? Maybe it's a little bit of both. Either way, my glass is half empty, and probably full of harmful microbes that will, at best, give me a mild case of what my son refers to as "danger poop."

So, consider my predicament when every one around me is trying to "look on the bright side of life." Since I love my loved ones, I tolerate their optimism as best I can, but sometimes I just can't take it anymore. Can't they see how BAD things COULD be if they really just thought about it? Yes, it's a nice sunny day but don't you know the rates of skin cancer are sky rocketing? That kind of thing. It drives me a little crazy when people seem to want to totally ignore the danger all around them- (cue ominous music) ALL-AROUND-YOU.

As a service to others, I have decided to create The Pessimists Guide... to virtually everything. I know you unbelievable cheery people want to be happy and remain oblivious to the danger all around you, but really what good has that ever done anyone? The world is a dangerous place. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!

2008-09-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

This morning when I walked Ethan to the bus, the moon was still out. I believe it must be pretty close to full. It was just... stunning. After my son got on the bus, and we went through our morning ritual of blowing each other kisses and hugs through the bus window, I walked home in all this morning splendor, with the world waking up around me and the gorgeous moon in the sky. It was hard not to become contemplative, so I thought about nature and was struck almost immediately with this question: did God have something against the dinosaurs? I thought of that verse in the Bible that says something about God caring about sparrows and giving them what they need, so what did the dinosaurs do, or any extinct species for that matter, that made God smite them so? I have no answers.

2008-08-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

I love being a mom. It's hard to explain, I just do. I never thought I would like it this much, but I do. Of course, there is much to worry over. And believe you me, if there is one thing I am good at, it's worrying. Sometimes the "what-ifs" keep me up at night, and all the time my stomach is tied in knots thinking of horrible possibilities. So, I try to focus on just today, and my kids really do help keep me in the present. It's hard to worry about tomorrow when lunches and bottles need to be made, teeth need brushed, diapers need changed... all those little things that fill up days and make getting out of bed not only worthwhile but absolutely vital to your family's survival (have you ever tried to change a diaper while lying flat on your back in bed? Can't be done.)

Corinne stayed up passed midnight in her crib. She was swaddled and seemed comfortable, and I sang every song I could think to her. She liked that. She even seemed to make little noises like she was trying to sing along. She was just lying there in her darkened room, listening to me sing with a smile that couldn't even be obscured by her pacifier. And even though my body was desperate for sleep, I couldn't leave her crib side, because at that moment I was completely in the present, worried about nothing, just watching my baby daughter watching me in the half-light of her room.

This morning, like every morning for the last week and a half, I walked Ethan to his bus stop. I am not a morning person at all, but getting up to help get Ethan ready for his day definitely isn't the chore I thought it was going to be, particularly since our walk together has become one of the only moments during the day that we have where it's just the two of us. We talk about the kinds of things six-year-olds care about. For instance, this morning we talked about what we dreamed about last night. In the adult world we complain about the high price of gas, the war in Iraq, the upcoming election, etc., etc. Worry, worry, and more worry. Yet Ethan doesn't have those worries, and that's not what he talks about so I allow myself to forget about all that and just enjoy the morning and the short walk with my son.

No, I haven't eradicated worry from my life. While my kids do help remind me of what's important in my life, I worry a lot about them, too. Yet, thankfully, there are moments with them that calm my anxious heart and tame the "what-ifs".

2008-08-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't showered since Tuesday. True story.