I haven't been at my best the last couple of days. Corinne hasn't been sleeping very well. She ran a fever all Wednesday night/Thursday morning, was cranky and out of sorts, so consequently I didn't get much sleep. I thought I was handling sleep deprivation pretty well until yesterday afternoon when Ethan was whining about doing his homework. Let's just avoid the messy details and say I had a meltdown. It happens, and I think we've both recovered. I hope today is better, but again I didn't get much sleep last night. Corinne was coughing a little. Nothing too bad, but of course I couldn't sleep for worrying about her. Plus, the news this morning sounds pretty bleak, so right now I hold out little hope for today.

I may do some coloring later. I know that may sound weird or irresponsible, but I think it would help. Sometimes it's just nice to "revert", you know? Go back to something that made you feel good as a kid. I would draw, but coloring is less involved, and I'm not very artistic anyway. Another option is to watch a funny movie, but I'm not feeling very decisive today so I might color while watching a funny movie. This may be the best way to cope with today.

I had lots of ideas today for a "Pessimists Guide to [something]," but Corinne had her 4 month "well-baby" doctor appointment today and the inevitable shots have left her feeling quite unwell I'm afraid. Normally she is such a good baby, and very happy, but this afternoon she cried for 1/2 hour straight so I know she isn't feeling well. I HATE it when my kids are sick! I just want to take all their pain away. Wouldn't it be great if there was some way you could do that? Like, if you just held their face like Spock does when he does his Vulcan mind meld, and took all their pain and experienced it yourself so they didn't have to. I worry that Corinne thinks I betrayed her, too. What if she blames me for all this pain she doesn't understand? I just want to hold her forever right now, until she believes me that everything is going to be okay and that she'll feel better tomorrow. Of course, I also am feeling very worried and over-protective right now, worried that it's a bad reaction to the shots or something. I just want her to be okay, that's all.

I'm a pessimist. Those who know me best know this. It was knitted into my very nature while still in my mother's womb. Actually, I consider it "hyper-realism." We all know things can get bad, my mind just goes from best- to worst-case-scenario in less than sixty-seconds. Is it a curse or blessing? Maybe it's a little bit of both. Either way, my glass is half empty, and probably full of harmful microbes that will, at best, give me a mild case of what my son refers to as "danger poop."

So, consider my predicament when every one around me is trying to "look on the bright side of life." Since I love my loved ones, I tolerate their optimism as best I can, but sometimes I just can't take it anymore. Can't they see how BAD things COULD be if they really just thought about it? Yes, it's a nice sunny day but don't you know the rates of skin cancer are sky rocketing? That kind of thing. It drives me a little crazy when people seem to want to totally ignore the danger all around them- (cue ominous music) ALL-AROUND-YOU.

As a service to others, I have decided to create The Pessimists Guide... to virtually everything. I know you unbelievable cheery people want to be happy and remain oblivious to the danger all around you, but really what good has that ever done anyone? The world is a dangerous place. WAKE UP PEOPLE!!

This morning when I walked Ethan to the bus, the moon was still out. I believe it must be pretty close to full. It was just... stunning. After my son got on the bus, and we went through our morning ritual of blowing each other kisses and hugs through the bus window, I walked home in all this morning splendor, with the world waking up around me and the gorgeous moon in the sky. It was hard not to become contemplative, so I thought about nature and was struck almost immediately with this question: did God have something against the dinosaurs? I thought of that verse in the Bible that says something about God caring about sparrows and giving them what they need, so what did the dinosaurs do, or any extinct species for that matter, that made God smite them so? I have no answers.