Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Well, Ethan took the death of Bluey Blue surprisingly well. I was almost considering telling him that we sent her to live on a fish farm, where she would have lots of friends and running ponds, but I decided to tell him the truth so he could deal with it. Actually, his reaction was a little scary, in that after I told him as we were walking home from the bus, he starting wringing his hands together somewhat diabolically and he said, "Now it's time for my ULTIMATE plan." Now, I am not sure what that means, and I was a little afraid to ask. But we came home and he helped me get her out of her little bowl. I asked him if he wanted to bury her or flush her down the toilet, and he voted for toilet. I was kind of hoping he would want to bury her so we could go for a "Circle of life" type thing, but he was adamant we flush her. So we carried her into the bathroom on a paper towel, dropped her in, and he flushed her, and that was that.
I have to admit, I am finding it very hard to be positive right now, but I am trying. I am tempted to just spend the day in my bedroom with the lights off hiding under the covers, but I am trying to keep things in perspective, and not totally break down because I need to take care of my family, who are the only ones who are keeping me sane right now. I think I need to stop watching the news. I find myself typing things like, "Will we survive?" in Google, hoping to find answers or at least someone who will say, "Everything is going to be alright." I try to depend more on God, and find hope and reassurance that he in control. But I always find myself wondering, "Where are you God? Why is this world so messed up? Can't you fix it?" And, this morning I woke up and saw that our fish had died. We've had Bluey Blue for over three years. 
She was our first "Fish in Space". This picture is from Jan. of 2006 when we first got her. We know she was a she because Ethan picked out this beautiful blue betta and there was a label on its container that said "Female." She was quite a feisty fish, and at times she would jump clear out of the water when I would feed her. And sometimes at night you could hear her rattling the rocks around on the bottom of her little tank. I am not sure what she was doing, but she liked to make a little noise. We bought a travel container so we could take her on trips to Buhl with us, especially if we were going to be gone for a few days. I think she was aware of us, because if we came into the room suddenly it would startle her. And if she heard you tap the top of her little tank, she would swim up and wait to be fed. While I feel badly that she died, I think I am more sad that I have to tell Ethan, and that he has to experience this somewhat unpleasant fact of life. I will tell him when he gets home from school. Maybe we can have a little service or something.
R.I.P.
BLUEY BLUE
Jan. 2006 -- April 2009
She was our first "Fish in Space". This picture is from Jan. of 2006 when we first got her. We know she was a she because Ethan picked out this beautiful blue betta and there was a label on its container that said "Female." She was quite a feisty fish, and at times she would jump clear out of the water when I would feed her. And sometimes at night you could hear her rattling the rocks around on the bottom of her little tank. I am not sure what she was doing, but she liked to make a little noise. We bought a travel container so we could take her on trips to Buhl with us, especially if we were going to be gone for a few days. I think she was aware of us, because if we came into the room suddenly it would startle her. And if she heard you tap the top of her little tank, she would swim up and wait to be fed. While I feel badly that she died, I think I am more sad that I have to tell Ethan, and that he has to experience this somewhat unpleasant fact of life. I will tell him when he gets home from school. Maybe we can have a little service or something.R.I.P.
BLUEY BLUE
Jan. 2006 -- April 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
1000thingstobehappyabout.blogspot.com
I started a new blog: 1000thingstobehappyabout.blogspot.com
Using that book 14,000 Things To Be Happy About and my own realization that it would probably be a huge benefit to me if I tried to focus on more positive things in my life, I have decided to compile a list of at least 1,000 to be happy about. So, that's what I am going to do, little by little. My goal is 1,000 things, but depending on how long it takes me and other deciding factors (like if I run out of things to be happy about) I may try to continue the list. But right now I'm shooting for 1,000.
Using that book 14,000 Things To Be Happy About and my own realization that it would probably be a huge benefit to me if I tried to focus on more positive things in my life, I have decided to compile a list of at least 1,000 to be happy about. So, that's what I am going to do, little by little. My goal is 1,000 things, but depending on how long it takes me and other deciding factors (like if I run out of things to be happy about) I may try to continue the list. But right now I'm shooting for 1,000.
Last night was the Boy Scout cake auction. All the scouts in Ethan's den/pack were suppose to make a cake, with the help of an adult of course. He and I looked through a cookbook and the Family Fun website for ideas, and of all the cakes we saw he was taken with the butterfly cake on FF the most. I was surprised he chose a butterfly cake, but I was more than happy to help him out. He said he wanted it to be a monarch butterfly, because that is his favorite. Just when I think I know this kid and his likes and dislikes.
Anyway, we made the cake. His job was to help me mix the food coloring in the frosting so we could get orange. Here is the before shot. Basically its a round chocolate cake cut in half for the wings, and two Twinkies for the body.
And here is the after shot. The brown is chocolate frosting. I used a Ziploc bag with a little hole cut in the corner to draw on the veins on the wings and outline the wing and do the antenna. The white dots are white Jelly Bellies.
I thought it was pretty clever, and I had fun making it with Ethan. I thought that it would do better at the cake auction, especially since Ethan did a GREAT job holding it up for everyone to see. He was a regular Vanna White, which is a little weird to be saying about your son. I guess I just really appreciated his enthusiasm. In the end, it only went for like $6. The cakes that went for the most money, like $15-$20 were piled with candy and toy cars. I guess boys just don't get that excited about butterflies. So next year this is what I am going to do: I'm just going to bake a cake and dump a bunch of candy and cars on it.
Anyway, we made the cake. His job was to help me mix the food coloring in the frosting so we could get orange. Here is the before shot. Basically its a round chocolate cake cut in half for the wings, and two Twinkies for the body.
And here is the after shot. The brown is chocolate frosting. I used a Ziploc bag with a little hole cut in the corner to draw on the veins on the wings and outline the wing and do the antenna. The white dots are white Jelly Bellies.
I thought it was pretty clever, and I had fun making it with Ethan. I thought that it would do better at the cake auction, especially since Ethan did a GREAT job holding it up for everyone to see. He was a regular Vanna White, which is a little weird to be saying about your son. I guess I just really appreciated his enthusiasm. In the end, it only went for like $6. The cakes that went for the most money, like $15-$20 were piled with candy and toy cars. I guess boys just don't get that excited about butterflies. So next year this is what I am going to do: I'm just going to bake a cake and dump a bunch of candy and cars on it.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I know I am not a perfect parent. I love my kids, LOVE them so much. I would not want to go on living if I didn't have them in my life. But sometimes, I just feel like I need a break. I feel guilty feeling like this, but I would just like to be by myself for an afternoon, maybe take a walk, or go read a book somewhere on a blanket under a tree.
Another reason I know that I am not a perfect parent is because I sometimes do things as a parent even though I know they aren't a good idea. For example, when Corinne came home from the hospital we had her room set up with a bassinet and a full size bed. That way, I could care for her through the night and not disturb Brian too much. So it started out me in the bed and her in the bassinet. Then gradually, it was her and I in the bed, and it's been like that ever since. It's kind of been a source of embarrassment for me. I know all the experts say co-sleeping is not a good, if not dangerous, idea. But it was the only way we could all get a good night sleep. I could nurse her when she woke up and not even need to move, and then when the nursing stopped I could pop the pacifier in her mouth and go right back to sleep. I have been wanting to change this, to get her to sleep in her crib, but I just haven't had the gumption until today when I found she had slipped between the mattress and the railing on her side of the bed. She was fine. Since the mattress is on the floor, she was just standing there with her hands on the mattress. But I worry about her getting hung up in a way that could really hurt her. So, this afternoon I made the decision to put her to sleep in her crib. This isn't probably going to be an easy transition, especially since I would lay down next to her when she went down for nap. I think the best idea is for her to try and fall asleep, and stay asleep, by herself in her own room. If her reaction this afternoon has been any indication, I don't think she thinks this is a good idea.
So, I guess the biggest reason I know I am not a perfect parent is because I oftentimes don't do what is best because it isn't convenient. I need to change that.
Another reason I know that I am not a perfect parent is because I sometimes do things as a parent even though I know they aren't a good idea. For example, when Corinne came home from the hospital we had her room set up with a bassinet and a full size bed. That way, I could care for her through the night and not disturb Brian too much. So it started out me in the bed and her in the bassinet. Then gradually, it was her and I in the bed, and it's been like that ever since. It's kind of been a source of embarrassment for me. I know all the experts say co-sleeping is not a good, if not dangerous, idea. But it was the only way we could all get a good night sleep. I could nurse her when she woke up and not even need to move, and then when the nursing stopped I could pop the pacifier in her mouth and go right back to sleep. I have been wanting to change this, to get her to sleep in her crib, but I just haven't had the gumption until today when I found she had slipped between the mattress and the railing on her side of the bed. She was fine. Since the mattress is on the floor, she was just standing there with her hands on the mattress. But I worry about her getting hung up in a way that could really hurt her. So, this afternoon I made the decision to put her to sleep in her crib. This isn't probably going to be an easy transition, especially since I would lay down next to her when she went down for nap. I think the best idea is for her to try and fall asleep, and stay asleep, by herself in her own room. If her reaction this afternoon has been any indication, I don't think she thinks this is a good idea.
So, I guess the biggest reason I know I am not a perfect parent is because I oftentimes don't do what is best because it isn't convenient. I need to change that.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Brian and Ethan are off to visit a dairy as part of a scouts outing, and Corinne is taking a nap. So here I am, left to my own devices. Oh, how shall I pass the time? By meticulously cleaning my house, which sorely needs it? Oh heavens no!! I am wasting my time trolling the internet, of course. We had a doosie (sp?) of a week, which was punctuated on April 1st by a letter Brian received at work. I really wish it had been an April Fool's joke, but, alas, no. It was just a memo outlining Channel 6's "pay reduction program." Basically Brian will be making 6% less every bi-weekly pay period, which means we will be losing about $170 a month before taxes. Add this to the fact that he would be making less anyway since he recently added me to his insurance, and you can see where we might be panicking a little. By no means are we entering brown shorts territory, but I admit we are very, very concerned. Brian thinks we'll have enough to pay bills and buy food, but after our little house debacle our savings is significantly diminished, and we're really going to have to watch things. I am worried, to say the least. My biggest fear is that the company is closer than we think to going under, and any day Brian will lose his job. I mean, we're smart people, we should be okay, right? Well, right now there are a lot of smart people looking for jobs, and I'm scared to think what might happen. You would think this is where my faith in God would kick in, but it seems the harder I pray for things to be okay the worse things get. Since Wednesday I've really be resorting to comfort things, like eating frosting out of the can, and watching The Princess Bride. I'm such a dork. Wednesday was the worse day because Brian and I both ended the day in tears. Thursday was a bit better, because Brian and I rallied together and decided that as long as we had our family then everything will be okay, a real "us against the world" kind of moment. Friday and today we're getting back to normal, I think.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)