I have to admit, I am finding it very hard to be positive right now, but I am trying. I am tempted to just spend the day in my bedroom with the lights off hiding under the covers, but I am trying to keep things in perspective, and not totally break down because I need to take care of my family, who are the only ones who are keeping me sane right now. I think I need to stop watching the news. I find myself typing things like, "Will we survive?" in Google, hoping to find answers or at least someone who will say, "Everything is going to be alright." I try to depend more on God, and find hope and reassurance that he in control. But I always find myself wondering, "Where are you God? Why is this world so messed up? Can't you fix it?" And, this morning I woke up and saw that our fish had died. We've had Bluey Blue for over three years. She was our first "Fish in Space". This picture is from Jan. of 2006 when we first got her. We know she was a she because Ethan picked out this beautiful blue betta and there was a label on its container that said "Female." She was quite a feisty fish, and at times she would jump clear out of the water when I would feed her. And sometimes at night you could hear her rattling the rocks around on the bottom of her little tank. I am not sure what she was doing, but she liked to make a little noise. We bought a travel container so we could take her on trips to Buhl with us, especially if we were going to be gone for a few days. I think she was aware of us, because if we came into the room suddenly it would startle her. And if she heard you tap the top of her little tank, she would swim up and wait to be fed. While I feel badly that she died, I think I am more sad that I have to tell Ethan, and that he has to experience this somewhat unpleasant fact of life. I will tell him when he gets home from school. Maybe we can have a little service or something.

R.I.P.
BLUEY BLUE
Jan. 2006 -- April 2009