I know I am not a perfect parent. I love my kids, LOVE them so much. I would not want to go on living if I didn't have them in my life. But sometimes, I just feel like I need a break. I feel guilty feeling like this, but I would just like to be by myself for an afternoon, maybe take a walk, or go read a book somewhere on a blanket under a tree.

Another reason I know that I am not a perfect parent is because I sometimes do things as a parent even though I know they aren't a good idea. For example, when Corinne came home from the hospital we had her room set up with a bassinet and a full size bed. That way, I could care for her through the night and not disturb Brian too much. So it started out me in the bed and her in the bassinet. Then gradually, it was her and I in the bed, and it's been like that ever since. It's kind of been a source of embarrassment for me. I know all the experts say co-sleeping is not a good, if not dangerous, idea. But it was the only way we could all get a good night sleep. I could nurse her when she woke up and not even need to move, and then when the nursing stopped I could pop the pacifier in her mouth and go right back to sleep. I have been wanting to change this, to get her to sleep in her crib, but I just haven't had the gumption until today when I found she had slipped between the mattress and the railing on her side of the bed. She was fine. Since the mattress is on the floor, she was just standing there with her hands on the mattress. But I worry about her getting hung up in a way that could really hurt her. So, this afternoon I made the decision to put her to sleep in her crib. This isn't probably going to be an easy transition, especially since I would lay down next to her when she went down for nap. I think the best idea is for her to try and fall asleep, and stay asleep, by herself in her own room. If her reaction this afternoon has been any indication, I don't think she thinks this is a good idea.

So, I guess the biggest reason I know I am not a perfect parent is because I oftentimes don't do what is best because it isn't convenient. I need to change that.